That ‘f’ Word

[I would like to share this beautiful comment I received from a dear and long-time friend on one of my blog posts.  Included here is my response to her.  I assure you there is a motive to my madness.]

“Brenda you’re a beautiful writer and for extra few bucks I know you can make people laugh. [I am]Laughing so hard at your witty sense of humor surrounding I know to be very real events. Your ability to take on these

tasks defines who we are as women even more so that we can tackle just about anything and I have this great visual of you in the yellow suit now and the flashlight in hand with that cute little quirky smile as you asked I am sure lots of questions. I love you and thanks so much for sharing this. You always have and continue to inspire me.”
Love to you,

Elizabeth

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“Thank you so much, Eliza! I do not think of myself as ‘funny’ at all, but people laugh at me. I think I am an intelligent and educated simpleton. I so very much appreciate your having been a part of my life, especially during that time, to bear witness to these occurrences. And it is from and through other women that I learned much about who I am, what I can do, and who I could become. You are one of those women, and I thank you for that. Love right back to you, my sister!”

Brenda

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My friend Elizabeth, along with many other friends and family members, were witness to the dark and frightening portion of my journey that is referred to in the above message as ‘very real events’. This message brings to light how I identify and internalize the person I am.  Yes, I am educated and intelligent.  I am a survivor and I have the scars to prove it.  I am resolute, fierce, loyal, tireless, articulate, stoic, open-minded, solitary, and dark, but I am not funny!

I am unsure why she, or the various other human beings that have labeled me as such, do so.  I find nothing humorous about me in any way or in any aspect of my life.  I present as a suit, rather than fuzzy sweater type of person, have been identified as ‘Business Brenda’ by a partner in one of my relationships, and my writings reflect more of the morose than they do of the light-hearted side of life.  Therefore, I rest my case; I am not funny!

Having stood firm in my convictions and stated the facts of same, I however, thought that perhaps I should investigate the very remote possibility that maybe, just maybe, I am indeed that ‘f’ word.  I went into my archived writings in search of some signs that Elizabeth, and other like-minded folk, could be correct.

Humbly, I must admit that some very bizarre thoughts occupy my mind-space and they often either exit my mouth or are captured on paper as presented below.  These utterances may prove that I am indeed that ‘f’ word, or they could point to a definite defect in my thought process that is diagnosable and has a name, but probably has no cure or treatment.

Well, here is a tiny glimpse into how my mind works when it is not entertaining thoughts of the maudlin nature…

“Linen clothing should come with little linen ironing people in the pockets.” (May 2010)

“I really love my shiny new kitchen sink, but I think the old one got the dishes cleaner.” (6 April 2015)

“I am sitting alone in a hotel lobby in the rain.  Sometimes I scare even myself.”  (29 March 2010)

“A few months ago I spent my afternoon in a hotel lobby.  Today, I am sitting in Supreme Court waiting for my turn.  Holy smokes!”  (July 2010)

“I keep falling asleep with the computer and a pint of cold shrimp lo mein on my lap. Maybe I should not do that.” (11 June 2012)

“Holy Hannah, it’s raining zoo animals!” (15 August 2011)

“Have you ever felt like a monkey in a fish tank???” (June 2010)

“I would give an arm and a leg to be able to stay home today.  No one is willing to donate their limbs, however, so off to work I go.” (18 September 2012)  

“I cut my sandwich the wrong way and I find it very disturbing. Instead of 1 to 7, it is sliced from 12 to 6.  I am not sure I can even eat it.” (6 February 2015)

“Is it a ‘cup of dark hot chocolate’ or a ‘cup of hot dark chocolate’? Either way, I am on is!”  (17 January 2012)

[To a friend] “I stabbed you lovingly because you are cute as a button. We can have that put on your headstone if one of my stabbings goes awry.”  (27 April 2010)

“I bought a tea kettle, and it has a whistle. Who needs a BMW?” (2 February 2015)

“I have mastered the art of removing both the inner and outer cases of an Otter Box Defender, taking the back off and the battery out of my Samsung Galaxy s5, and then putting everything back together again in less than a minute. I am amazing!”  (3 February 2015)

“I wish there was a way to take a shower without having to take my socks off.”  (8 January 2013)

“I will never wear a wedding dress again. This thought came to me as I was sitting getting a pedicure. Go figure!!!  Not that I want to, or ever even thought about getting married again. Where do these thoughts come from???” (27 May 2012)

“I cannot believe some to the seriously heavy sh*t I read, and I really cannot believe the even heavier bullsh*t I write about it. Haha” (30 May 2012)

“Sometimes I am so cute; I pinch my own cheeks.” (25 January 2013)

“Poor grammar makes my ears want to bleed.” (6 April 2015)

“I hate cleaning out my refrigerator. I would rather throw the big metal box out.” (1 April 2012)

“I am beginning to frighten myself. I am habitually writing a story before the event happens. Premonition…?? Self-analysis…??? Insanity…???”  (5 April 2012)

“My voice is so raspy that I even find it sexy.” ( 17 May 2012)

“Do not encourage my whimsical and non-sensical observations and ramblings.  you will learn, in time, to simply smile and humor me, all the while ignoring my utterances.”  (26 February 2011)

I rest my case with the final self-descriptive articulation…

“I am just a giant goofball and my wisdom comes from getting beat up along this road we call life, until I grabbed its wrist and said, ‘Enough!’”  (15 April 2015)

The End